Cheshire Tech?

Sometimes people look to me like they’d be more comfortable as the animated version of themselves. Like that guy that played Newman on Seinfeld, Wayne Knight, when I see him I always imagine he’d fit much better in an animated world rather that here in reality with regular humans. Funny oversized body, his stubby fingers knitted together, I picture him as the diabolical idiot sneering while his dastardly plan falls apart around him.

At other times people don’t really look like comic book characters to me but their behavior is just off enough they remind me of some popular animated figure. Nothing dramatic or outlandish just the simple oddities that beg the question, “You’re not from around here are you?”

I’m a huge fan of Costco, the warehouse super store with everything from cheap lunch to 57 choices of flat screen TVs and case sized pickles side by side with freshly roasted chickens. With this kind of selection and rock bottom prices who doesn’t love it? The other day I was in the market for a new wireless router and decided to check for one at Costco. I’m mildly aware of tech stuff and usually know what questions to ask and though I don’t generally associate the Costco shopping experience with expertly informed retail help I was surprised when I ran into Evan.

He didn’t so much as look like the Cheshire Cat with his thin rimmed glasses and oversized hawaiian shirt faded and threadbare, but his behavior immediately made me think of the pink and purple striped feline. Even before I got my first question out he began nodding while slowly closing his eyes as if to suggest, “I’m special, blessed with a gift you know, and am willing to share with the common folk in exchange for their adoration.

I played along.

I asked Evan his opinion on the router in question and spent the next 15 minutes discovering the back alleys of wireless hacking and computer fraud. Apparently if a person is armed with a few over the counter computer “systems” and has a bit of time, the average home network is far from secure. “I’m talking about urban areas, though, and you’re obviously more of a suburban type,” he said. “I wouldn’t worry too much,” and then he grinned. I ignored the slight and pressed on.

“So for someone like me, someone who isn’t hacking into the neighbors family computer and doesn’t think his neighborhood is particularly tech savvy, would this be a good router?”

“Well,” he nodded slowly and touched his fingertips together, “If we can establish that your network is going to read like an open book to someone like me - and you’re fine with that, then yes, this is an acceptable router.” Then he added, “There is the ventilation problem though.”

“Uh, ventilation,” I asked?

“Do you see any ventilation? These things get hot and if it were me I’d crack the case and strap a massive heat sink to the back of this puppy. But that’s just me and I like to run my routers hot. And then I fry ‘em,. . . within the warranty period, of course,” and he did his Cheshire Cat grin again. “Those are always fun visits from the tech support staff.” Evan pumped his arms making air quotes, “No, it just started smoking. I don’t have any idea what went wrong. Is this normal?” This seemed to really please him and he chuckled for a minute before coming back to the conversation. “You should be fine though, for what you’re going to do with it.” He was going to add something else but when he closed his eyes and grinned I ran.