Blacklisted

Yesterday Linda asked me to drop by Costco to pick up some plastic wrap. We like the kind they carry because it comes in a 3,000-foot roll and tends to cling better than some of the other brands we’ve tested. While there I decided to have a look around and shortly found myself in the tool aisle after a quick perusal of the book table. It was here, in the tool aisle where I recognized an older gentleman dressed in slacks and a pair of nice loafers. I had seen him on my way into the store and it seems he, like me, had been browsing a few different sections of Costco before arriving in front of the tools.

While I looked at the air compressors he looked at a set of screwdrivers, a set that claimed, “Over 150 different parts.” I’ve looked at this same set before but decided against so many bits and pieces. This man’s hair was a chalky grey and was parted severely down the side creating a very straight line of hair across his forehead. Later I would remember thinking he reminded me of the kind of men I’d seen while traveling to Germany for business but at the moment I was distracted by the most warbly fart I’ve ever heard, which, was produced without breaking stride. By this point we were both moving again, me behind him - and closing.

My wife Linda isn’t a fan of the word ‘moist’ and in fact has compiled quite a list of words she wishes had never been invented. At times, though, one of these blacklisted words fits perfectly and must be used. This was one of those times, I thought to myself, as I walked into a moist cloud of such nastiness that it literally brought tears to my eyes.