Keep Portland Weird

When driving around Portland it’s common to see a bumper sticker reading ‘Keep Portland Weird’. They’re always printed in the same bold black letters on the same bright yellow background and I usually see a few each week. While Portland does have its fair share of odd people, it’s generally assumed they stick to downtown or congregate on the east side of town. I live in what would be considered the “Westside” and work in Beaverton, which is further west still. If Portland can be considered kitschy and eclectic then Beaverton is just the opposite.

The other day I was in the Costco across the street from my office grabbing lunch when someone caught my eye. This person was driving around in one of those electric convenience trikes that beep when they back up and are generally reserved for the very old or very, very heavy. Neither old nor heavy, what first caught my eye was this person’s hair, which was an unnatural brown and sat motionless atop its owner’s head in big loopy curls. It reminded me of Dustin Hoffman in ‘Tootsie’ which brings me to the owner’s face which had a heavy 5 o’clock shadow set against long angular features. In and of itself no big deal, right? Before me was simply a man who could use a shave while wearing a wig meant for a woman and riding around in the bright red trike meant for the handicapped.

This particular man, though, was wearing a dress printed with brightly colored flowers and he had on long white gloves running up each arm. “Hmm, driving gloves,” I thought to myself. Because he was seated I couldn’t get an accurate gauge on his height but if I had to guess, I’d say he was well over 6 feet. Maybe something like 6 foot 5; his gangly legs stuck out so far from the ill-fitting dress he was forced to rest them awkwardly to one side of the steering column. What I liked best though, was the knee high nylons he wore which barely made it halfway up his calves. Slack and lifeless, they were nude in color and and painted a stark contrast against his paper white skin and the thick dark hair that covered his legs. Here was a guy who liked wearing women’s clothing but wasn’t trying to hide a thing. It seems Portland’s Westside will not be unnoticed when it comes to bringing the weird.